It's true that even if you're in the most loving and accommodating of relationships, asking for what you want or wish, may at times be a tough thing
to do. Some couples feel that sex is
supposed to come naturally, and some say that having to talk about it must mean
there’s an issue or concern. Some
couples too are afraid about being honest with what they want, because they
think it will threaten or embarrass the other person. What if you've been
making love with the same individual for years, and feel that's it kind of
risky bringing the lovemaking to another level?
The main problem with most couples is that, they aren't communicating
well with each other in other areas of their relationship.
Marriage counselors and sex therapists argue that if we only
ask for what we want or need, we could be relieved, and would probably be
gratified in getting our desires met. However, if our partners have other preferences, then we should need to engage in
some mild-mannered negotiating, as well as look deeper below the surface and
find out what the underlying needs are. Here's a situation: For instance, you want to spend long hours in
bed on weekends making love; Your partner however, wants to get up and go
jogging. So how should you deal with
this?
Along with the help of a counselor, ask yourself “what are
your needs that aren’t being met? or, “do you want more intimacy, and need some
time to unwind”? Widen your focus on the deeper issues that sweeten or dour up
a relationship, and never simply get in a tussle over whether to cuddle in bed
on weekends, or what sexual positions should you be doing? You and your partner need to focus on how to
get your needs fulfilled in other ways. One nice suggestion would be to create
special times for relaxing together during the week. Discussing both of your underlying needs in a
carefree and romantic manner should help to open up a lot of possibilities, as
well as further strengthen your relationship.
